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Sloan575 06-30-2012 05:06 AM

Please help me with my 8 year old daughter
 
I am asking for advice for my eight year old daughter. She has a PWS on one cheek under her eye and became tearful tonight telling me that she's afraid people are teasing her at school.
Here is some back story: I adopted her when she was 18 months. I waited to start laser treatments after talking to our dermatologist about it. I didn't feel comfortable putting a baby through anything traumatic after all she had already been through in her life. The dermatologist, pediatrician, both agreed with me. The idea of general anesthesia seemed ridiculous (in MY opinion) to risk for such a small birthmark. At the age of 4 or 5, she had her 1st laser treatment without any complications. At the second laser treatment, she screamed bloody murder she was so terrified. We both left the doctor's office in tears. I felt like I has just tortured my kid. After finally talking her into going back,(when she told me it didn't really hurt, she was just scared), we made it through the 3rd laser treatment several months later, only to have her come home in tears from being terribly embarrassed by the spotted bruising left behind by the laser. It was at that point she said she was done and didn't want the treatments anymore. I told her I love her and her birthmark, and I was just fine with that.
About a year later she asked about wearing makeup. We bought some Dermablend, but being a very active kid it would easily wipe away, she was tired of questions(again) about the makeup, so stopped wearing it. I asked if she wanted to do the laser treatments again, or even just talk to the dermatologist about options, and she said she didn't want a blank face, which made us both giggle. I told her she is beautiful with or without the birthmark (she truly is a beautiful child inside and out), and that I love her whatever she decides to do.
Now it seems to have come to the surface again for her to open up and tell me this. I know it is always there for her, but she is a strong, outgoing little girl, so I think she keeps a lot of her worries to herself. I don't know what to do. I don't even see her birthmark anymore, so it would be just fine with me if she decided she wanted no treatments. I just hate to see her in so much pain. I'm terrified of what she is going to go through as she gets older, like in junior high. For those with birthmarks, am I doing the right thing?? Can you offer any advice on what to tell her? Thanks in advance for any advice you can offer. Sloan

kaykay 07-01-2012 04:11 AM

First, its fantastic you have the communication with her. I think thats really really positive. I hope that continues.

I have a facial PWS.

KIDS ARE HELL.

whats happening to her i think is normal. to me there is no obvious answers. All you can do is continue to love her, listen to her and reinforce all the positive things about her. As she gets older it might even get harder. I know, your a parent and won't really want to hear that but personally i think she's off to a great start. Be there when she needs a shoulder. keep her active sports hobbies etc..if she's doing something she loves she won't think of it so much until it really bothers her. educate her as much as you can so she can even explain and correct teasers. she can also ignore it if possible. while it hurt mostly thats what i did. i toughened up.

my teachers use to tell me as a response to teasing " stick and stones will break your bones but names will never hurt you" i thought that was crap LOL but that was just me.

she's still gonna grow up one day but it won't just be kids it will be adults who are hell also.

you will always worry but your doing ok so far.

Even now, i still tell myself atleast i still have both eyeballs and all my limbs intact just missing a gallbladder lol

Sloan575 07-02-2012 02:39 PM

Thank you so much for your reply! She is very active in soccer and a ton of the girls from her grade are on the team so it's been wonderful. I get so angry at how stupid adults can be. I can't count the number of times they have dramatically asked, "Oh my! Did you fall down? What happened to your cheek!?" I just want to smack them. At least kids will calmly say "what's on your cheek?" and then move on. Thanks again for your response, it means a lot.

Sloan

kaykay 07-04-2012 02:04 AM

your welcome. others will post also with their advice.

Soccer is great. Its about team building, communication etc...my PWS was too severe so i never really played sports incase of injury. I never had fights from teasing either but like i said before, thats just me. I couldn't afford to get injured in a fight. Its problarly what kept me straight in school growing up otherwise i would of been a pretty bad kid in school if i did not understand the consquences.

I have had people literally jump out the way, adults kids alike. well that suits me. but it can be a pain when traffic stops/slows to look at me but i usually use the opportunity to cross the road if its slow enough :)

kids and adults are terrible, but thats just my experience. I think all individuals have their own unique problems. trick is just to find a way to handle it. I have gotten close to hitting people. aggressive all up in my face is violation of my precious personal space.

so your not the only one who wants to smack people LOL


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