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-   -   To do or not to do daughter's second surgery for cosmetic reasons? (http://birthmark.org/board/showthread.php?t=6093)

Shannonvin 10-30-2012 06:44 PM

To do or not to do daughter's second surgery for cosmetic reasons?
 
Hi everyone..this is my first time visiting and I have a question. My daughter had a deep hemangioma removed from her face,close to her eye, when she was three months old. The surgery went well and the plastic surgeon did remove all of the tumor. She is now 27 months old and she has another surgery scheduled in a week and a half. The surgeon is planning to remove the skin and reattach it and then do a laser treatment. It basically sounds like he is redoing the surgery minus the hemangioma removal and skin graft. My husband and I are struggling with the decision to do this. We don't like the fact of putting her through this again and as a toddler I am sure it will be more difficult for her than when she was 3 months old. Her scar is very noticeable and strangers and other children are always pointing it out, which breaks our hearts. Are we being vain to have this surgery done? I keep trying to think of her as a teenager and wonder how she will feel if we didn't try. That is the other struggle....we have no idea if it is going to be better than it is now.
If anyone has experience with this I would love to hear some opinions.
Thank you,
Shannon

missy 10-31-2012 02:17 PM

Hi and welcome!

I DONT have experience with this specific thing, but I'm going to throw in my two cents anyway.

Ten years ago, I got a case of Bells Palsy (facial paralysis). It's supposed to be temporary, but it left me with some nerve damage to the left side of my face. It's odd to be 34 and wake up with a different face than you've always had.

I still have some damage left over, after all this time. I'm very sensitive about it. To me, it's very obvious. I don't think anyone else much notices. Once, my husband said something to me about how I shouldn't worry about it and I had to tell him he didn't have to walk around with it on his face.

If her scar were anywhere else, I might try to dissuade you. But it's on her face. Never mind the teenage years ... fifth graders are cruel and middle schoolers are the spawn of the devil. I don't think you're being vain, no. I know your best interests are her well-being growing up. If anyone else says otherwise, well .... they don't have to walk around with it on their face.

Question: Is insurance going to cover this one?

Missy

smurph 11-01-2012 03:45 AM

I have felt this way before. It is agonizing because you are trying to do something to help your daughter but it involves pain and anesthesia, etc. and these are not things that mothers naturally like to do their children!! It's almost like you have to go against your natural instinct or something...at least that is how I felt??!! However, I kept thinking about the long run- If I have the chance to do this now, to help her avoid troubles later, then it would be worth it. I kept reminding myself that she wouldn't remember it very much (my daughter was 5 when she had her surgery), but she would remember possibly being teased and constantly having to answer questions about her lip hemangioma all the time if we left it as is through her school years. There is no right or wrong answer. I'm sure my daughter would have been fine if we didn't do the surgery and it would be part of her life in a different way, for better or worse. But after thinking of all the pieces and knowing that we could do something...we did. And I don't regret it. I think it's natural to second guess- I did up until the moment of surgery and even in the days after, but in the end I am happy with our decision. It took a while for it to look the way it does now. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as you make your final decision. Here's a link to her album if you would like to see the process we went through:
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?s...l=a 18fd285c7

Good luck!
Shannon


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