PWS on right check, neck, behind ear
First off, let me say that I am not looking for a pity party. I don't feel like anyone understands, so this is my way to maybe finally find someone who gets it. I am 25, and I have had what I consider a rough life. As a child, people constantly tried to wipe the "lipstick" off of my face because my PWS is in the shape of a kiss. In middle school I was teased, because my birthmark extends from not only my right cheek but back behind my ear and down my jaw line to my neck, I was called hickey face, and although it is not a horrible nickname, I suffered immensely. Maybe it wouldn't have been
So bad if my home life had been any better.
My mother was physically and mentally abusive, I lived with my elderly grandma
And was dirt poor. I was the perfect target for every bully. I feel like that is where my problems began. I've always been a good person and great kid. Stayed out of trouble, kept to myself, did as I was told. I don't drink and I don't smoke or do drugs. But it feels like no matter how good I try to be, it doesn't make up for how awful I feel about myself. The hickey thing went on into highschool. I grew my hair out long and hid behind it. Girls called me a slut, even though I didn't even talk to boys. My hair made me feel better. Then my mom, I was back living with her for highschool,
Chopped my hair off and I was left with this feeling of doom, and I wanted to die.
She thought I was being so stupid for being so upset, but she doesn't have to live in fear and hiding herself from others. Her and my sister are beautiful. So even now that I use makeup, I always feel like people are staring through it or wondering why I have so much makeup on, or why I don't want to go to the pool or beach or anywhere my makeup might come off. I'm scared no one will ever love me if they find out, so how could I be married to someone. I'm scared that I don't deserve someone better than the POS guy I'm with now. I'm scared that its going to get harder to hide. I just want to be normal.
To feel like I'm beautiful, to feel like I'm worth it. Every day I find more things wrong and I feel like I can't get passed it. I still live with emotional abuse, I still live with self hate. When does it ever get better? I cry everyday, I spend hours getting ready, and still feel like its not good enough. Does anyone else feel this way?