I've managed to work my way through another semester successfully. Durring the semester, I started seeing a university psychologist about my depression. It only helped me temporarially and he did tell me that I am "clinicly depressed" and recommended anti-depressents coupled with once a week therapy sessions. I refused the anti-depressents but did go thru with the therapy. It helped me get through the semester and allowed me to function well enough to get my school work down. I'm going to continue therapy when the spring semester restarts.
I've exhausted all options in New Orleans for treatment and all of the specialist down here are pointing to Boston and New York to seek further treatment. I've scraped and saved up enough money for a plane ticket over the semester. At the moment, i'm collaborating with the specialist here to get the names and numbers of doctors they recommend for my threatment. Dr. Poole, who is listed on this website, recommended for me to see Dr. Milton Waner in New York. I'm still waiting for another speciallist from Children's hospital of New Orleans to call me back with his recommendations for two doctors he knows of in Boston.
My mobility is still getting worse. A few weeks ago, i was doing some cleaning around my house i'm renting while in college after the semester was over and i became so exhausted that i couldn't move the next day because of how soar and weak my body became. I think the lack of everyday mobility has taken a small toll on my body and is causing me to become out of shape to the point where i don't have the endurance for prolong movements. I'm trying to force myself to move more then i did durring the past 11 months to try to jump start my body into getting its mobility back and getting back in shape to maybe counter act what the diesease is doing to me a little but its extremely hard due to the ammount of pain i go through.
I'm really hoping i can get help in boston or new york with these problems. I lose so much sleep at night due to so many different things. The diesease, the lost of my last g/f who left me after 5 years because of problems i stated in my previous post, pain that i experence from the diesease every night, thoughts about this trip to the northeast for treatment.
I literally have nightmares all the time about these things and i'm actually really really scared about this trip because i'm going to have to go on my own. All of my family can't go, my mother just had a minor heart attack and can't make the trip. My brother can't go because he can't afford to due to the nature of his job, he can't leave it. My father can't come with me because he is helping my grand father on the opposite side of the country because his dad is on his final days.
There usually isn't much that i fear in life but without a doubt something that scares me is when i'm in a doctors office by myself. I can ear nurses and doctors talk about me and colaborate about me outside the door even when they close it. I've even had emotional breakdowns before and after doctors have came into the examination rooms where i just burst into tears. usually the moment i hear them step back to the door i some how recompose my self but i know they have to notice the remains of tears on my face. I use to have my g/f to lean on for these things. I would still feel this sadness in doctors offices with her there but i never would break down mentally over it. Over the last 11 months i've really really lose it when ever i go to a doctors office. Durring the summer when i was in the emergancy room it got so bad that they couldn't draw blood from my arm because my forearms were so tense from the anxiety.
I'm sorry again for seeming so downbeat. I am happy that i've found a way to get the money to fly to boston or new york for treatment. and my father's medical insurance should cover everything. its just i feel overwhelmed by everything and really want to talk to other people that are or have experenced the same thing as me. i just can't state how scared i am. or how alone i feel.