When to talk about H to a 3 and ahlf year old?

[Helane]

Hello,
Im new to this group, long story behind us......(wont go into it )
My boy now nearly 3 and half , has Never mentioned his upper lip H, he has had surgery and will need another at a later date.
The other night he was looking at our pictures screen saver and one came up of his Post Surgery shot, really graphic stiches swollen and all, he turned away...
He to this date has never mentioned his lip, depsite still the comment and stares, from time to time....Nothing like it use to be thank God!!
I"ve been waiting for him to ask, but this has never happened and because of the turning away from the picture, Im wondering is this the time that I maybe need to talk with him about it?
I suppose I was expecting , the questions to come from him.
I"m interested in what others think/ feel about this very sensitve issue.
P.S He is very articulate for his age and comprehension very good too.
Thanks allot helane

[nickbar]

I do think you should talk with him. If you are hiding the topic, he may feel it is bad. Or, he could simply not like pictures that look like it was painful... the unknown can be scary.
My son is now almost 6...and it was probably around age 3 that he first mentioned his h. or made a comment that prompted us to talk about it. I was very open with him... I told him it was a birthmark, called a hemangioma and we thought it was best to have doctors help reduce it (laser). I told him it didn't hurt him, it wasn't a bad thing...just didn't need it. He is very good about telling people about his b-mark when showing baby pictures... he feels special to have gone through the experience (infact his older brothers tried for months to find b-marks on themselves because they wanted a special mark too). Given that your son is articulate...I think opening the door to communication now will be beneficial. Information is power and it might just set his mind at ease. It is up to the parents to decide WHY they had surgery...but in my opinion, a child should know that it wasn't about getting rid of a "bad thing"... it was about healing something that might cause medical problems (eating, speech).

Good luck.

[Helane]

Thanks, tell me are you the Corrinna from the other now closed Vascular Birthmark site?
I thank you for your reply it is very useful and Yes we will talk with him about this Birthmark, soon, I certainly do not want him to ever feel something is wrong with him....
I must say Ive been very surprised in the lack of response by this site, Ive never used it before, with the other site that I mentioned, it was very active and supportive.
Thanks Helane

[nickbar]

yes, I am from the support group... we have a new location www.msnvb.org We are pretty active group there

Corinne