Strangers starring and asking questions? - Page 2 - Vascular Birthmarks Foundation Forum
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  #11  
Old 03-02-2010, 05:38 PM
babyella babyella is offline
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I actually just had this happen for the very first time yesterday, although most older people tend to simply just say that my daughter must be tired because her left eyelid is very heavy with the H lined acrossed like eyeliner. I was thrown off by how abrasive some people can be... I simply said my daughter has a capillary Hemangioma on her eyelid, he looked confused and than continued to talk to my daughter. I guess big words scare people, especially when they dont know what they mean!!!
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  #12  
Old 03-03-2010, 12:04 AM
nickbar nickbar is offline
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I scared a women at the grocery store once. My son was probably 3 at the time and I had really forgotten about his h., I mean it wasn't on my mind everytime I entered a store anymore. He was sitting in the shopping chart and the women said, "oh what happened to his face"...without hesitation I said he was born with a tumor. I typically responded that way just to shock people into silence. She gasped and said she was so sorry...etc. But, then it occurred to me that his h. was not that visible and so I better actually look at her eyes and back at him to see what the fuss was about. Oh, dah...the big lump in the center of his forehead from hitting the kitchen table...oh that bump. I explained to her, but it really shocked me how programed I was.
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  #13  
Old 03-04-2010, 12:22 AM
EFMama EFMama is offline
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For us, most of the questions we get are from other kids. So we explain that it's a birthmark and that it doesn't hurt him and that it will go away as he gets bigger. That seems to satisfy them. And if the parents are within earshot, they seem to relax and sometimes join in the conversation, too. I had one daycare teacher at the park thank me for explaining it so patiently and calmly to the kids!

Most adults who ask what it is, then go on to ask if we'll have it removed. We just say that it's being monitored and we'll see how it goes. That's pretty much all they ever want to know.

Other than people telling us he has something stuck on his head (like candy), we've never had a mean or offensive comment about it, so I guess we're really lucky that way. I've heard stories from these boards that are so shocking. I can't believe how rude some people can be!!
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Me - Aimee - Spot on liver
Elliot, 9/20/06 - H on back (nearly gone)
Felix, 7/28/08 - H on forehead (in involution)
Taking the 'wait and see' approach, for now.
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  #14  
Old 07-06-2010, 04:33 AM
tara tara is offline
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My DD has a superficial hemangioma on her hand. It was much brighter and "scarier" looking for the first, oh, four months or so. I cried a lot. And of course the post partum hormones don't help! It was a struggle to take her out because people would always exclaim "Oh my what happened to her little hand" - or they would try to talk to me, but their eyes would keep drifting to her hand... and then as our conversation was closing (I'm putting my wallet in my purse or whatever) "Oh my! What happened..." I always felt everyone's eyes on me, wondering what I must have "done to her".

DH and I had a little game early on that we would play, coming up with really nasty responses... "I slammed it in the car door last week - do you think I should have it checked out?"... "We handle snakes at our church, and I guess baby wasn't ready yet"... "Its a rare form of rapidly progressing skin cancer and the doctors only give her 6 months..." ect. ect. ect. It was pretty bad. I'd be a crying snotty mess and he'd start in on this "game". It sounds awful, but it did help... even if it reminded me that it could be worse

Most of the time I am "nice" but it is hard to feel like you are the spokesperson for hemangiomas EVERY SINGLE TIME you leave the house. And the killer is when you explain, and then they come back with "Oh, my, well it really looks like _________. " Gee, thanks, my husband and I hadn't come up with that one yet! Fortunately, as baby's H has gotten lighter, we get fewer comments.

Sometimes, however, I do admit, that depending on the person, I like to reply with "Why do you want to know?" and then "hmmm" or "its really none of your bussiness". This really helps with rude people. It helps if you practice it like a mantra. If you get nervous you can start with "Excuse me?" or with more of an "?!?!"
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  #15  
Old 07-06-2010, 07:33 PM
RsMom RsMom is offline
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I don't mind when people ask - it's actually kind of a relief because I know they are wondering. I'd rather they just ask rather than staring or thinking it is something worse or contagious or something. My daughter's H is about the size of M&M, is bright red, and on the side of her nose so you see it right away. A lot of people have actually recognized it and know what it is called and a friend of mine told me that she had one on her eye as a child. Of course, it someone made a rude comment or remark about it, I would be upset but so far, that hasn't happened.
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  #16  
Old 07-07-2010, 12:33 PM
Laurenbetcher Laurenbetcher is offline
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My second daughter's h was in the middle of her forehead and looked like a Hindu bindi. One lady caught me on an especially bad day and told her daughter "maybe it's a third eye." Must have been the depression, lack of sleep, and her ignorance that made me hand my daughter to my husband and have him take our daughters inside. I then proceeded (totally out of character) to back the woman up against the front doors of the restaurant get in her face and give her the 10 minute lecture on what a hemangioma is and isn't. On a "normal" day I give people the 30 second info.
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  #17  
Old 07-07-2010, 01:01 PM
mperron mperron is offline
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I know it sucks and can be hurtful with the mean things strangers (and sometimes aquantinces) say to our children. I can relate personally as I had a nevi birthmark (large brown spot) on my neck growing up as a child. People would ask me if I had a hickie (sp)? They would ask this even though I was a young child. Although at times it was a painful emotional experience growing up, the positive side is that I believe it made me a more sensitive person to the way others are treated.
I think our children with hemangiomas will also be more sensitive towards others. My son is too young to understand what his hemangioma is, and it will likely be gone before his older, but I plan to tell him about it so he understand and appreciates that everyone is different and unique.
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  #18  
Old 07-07-2010, 04:35 PM
rayasmommy rayasmommy is offline
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I agree with one of the previous posters that most of the time I am relieved people ask. I know they are wondering, I know they probably know little if anything about hemangiomas, and I'd rather explain than have them speculate. So, I use every opportunity to give them a brief definition of hemangioma. Thankfully, I've never ever had anyone say anything close to mean. If they did, I'd probably be pretty upset, too.
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