I just read you moving story. I sense you are a strong man, and a "fighter'. It is unfortunate people don't give you a chance. Have you tried joining"support groups in your area. It would seem, once a woman gets to know you, all the superficial "stuff" would go away.
I understand your frustrations about "first impressions". My daughter was born with a large facial (on her nose) hemangioma, and she was always stared at and also called RUDOLPH..
She had had three laser treamtnets and is scheduled for surgery this summer.
I think she is a more sensitive, and understanding person because of the hardships she had to endure as a young child. She is a teenager now...
Good luck to you,