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Thread: Nevus of Ota?
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Old 08-10-2013, 10:08 PM
mauve3 mauve3 is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1

Wow!!! is it weird that I cried when I started reading the comments here?? I can't believe I finally found people who I actually can totally relate to and who would actually understand what I've been through.

I also have the blue birthmark, it covers the area around my left eye, and my sclera is pretty much all blue, my left eye is a very dark brown while my right one is just brown. I am from Egypt and I am 25 years old and I was born with it. I have never met someone with the same birthmark.
When I was a baby the pigmentation was just in my eye, but as I grew up the color sort of spread out to the area around my eye and temple. It was very gradual that when I pointed it to my mum she was surprised, because she hadn't noticed.

I have to say I have always struggled with it, always looking different, and basically feeling ugly, probably because of all the comments I get "what happened to your eye?", "what's wrong with your eye?" " who hit you?"…… the one that pisses me off the most is when they ask what happened and I tell them it’s a birthmark and they say no way, it wasn't there last time I saw you, are you sure it's a birthmark?!

I also used to get comments in school, I had a kid once say, "don’t talk to me until you get that ink out of your eye" another time someone told me you have eyeliner smudged all over your eye, I could go on forever with the endless comments people make! A teacher once told me that she thought I was blind in one eye, another time a professor asked me what's wrong with my eye in front of the whole class (which basically made me feel like I wanted the earth to swallow me, having everyone looking at me and waiting for an answer)…. All these things people say made me sad/upset/angry/frustrated/self-conscious and obviously make me feel ugly and extremely unappealing and unattractive

I sometimes berate myself that I should not feel this way, that its only pigmentation and I can see just fine and that's a blessing. it's just aesthetics, and yet I always feel self conscious. I guess I need to keep working at it. I'm not aware of it all day long, but it factors into my thoughts a lot and I hope one day it won't as much.

I sometimes wear make-up to cover it up, but then I worry that if I meet a new person, and they see me without make up later on they will have a negative reaction, I hate how that is a constant thought I have, and even when I cover it up a bit I can't really hide it and it is still very much noticeable, [especially that I am a teacher, so to stand in front of a class, and have a bunch of people always looking at me can get uncomfortable, but I don't let it hinder me in any way, it is just that when I catch someone staring I wonder what they are thinking and if they think I look terrible, or if they feel sorry for me (which I hate)]…. And it's sort of pointless to put on make-up because it will never make me look nice, plus I feel like i am lying about how i look to people, trying to make them think I look a certain way when i don't, i really do feel like I'm attempting to wear a mask, except its a poorly constructed one and doesn't help in any way… I'm sorry for this long post but I have never actually found a place where I could articulate my thoughts, always boxing it and suppressing it all inside, it's really nice to be able to speak about it here!

I don’t think I would try the laser treatments, I am too scared it would make it worse or something could go wrong and my eye would be damaged, plus it seems extremely expensive…..

It was really great finding this, thank you all for sharing

Last edited by mauve3 : 08-10-2013 at 11:09 PM.
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